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I Just Want to Cry!


Do you ever have days when you just want to cry? All day? Even though there is nothing seriously wrong? I am having one of those days.


The day started off badly.  I woke up at 4 am and didn’t fall back to sleep until about 6 which of course meant when the alarm went off at 745, I was an unhappy camper. I wanted to cry because I felt so awful and was so tired.  I would have given my little lap dog to the powers that be, if I could have just stayed in bed another hour or two.  Finally, I dragged myself out of bed, went through all the morning stupidity, even remembered to make CJ’s lunch, and managed to get out the door mostly on time, which was a good thing since I was driving carpool.

I let Kylie stay home “sick.”  She was completely faking but I felt so crappy that it just seemed like the right thing to do.   I wanted to cry then because I really, really wanted to stay home sick too but couldn’t.  I had to get Jack and me to our appointments at the allergist office. (Don’t worry, I did not leave 7 year old Kylie at home to fend for herself.  Quinn goes to an online school so she was home, sleeping, but physically present.)

Once at the doctor’s office, I learned that when you have a bad cold, like me, you cannot get an allergy shot.  What you do get is a lecture on why someone with my history of asthma/allergies should not wait to see the doctor when they are coughing up yellow and green goop and running a fever.  I also got a prescription for antibiotics.  It appeared I wasn’t going to get a stupid allergy shot after all.  I could have stayed in bed!!! I wanted to cry then too.

The doctor talked at length with Jack about his recurrent hives/swelling (not due to dish washing, I assure you) and determined that at this point, it was time to get some blood work.  Another reason to cry, my fear that something may really be wrong with Jack.

Next stop LabCorp, where there was a tremendous line.  Could most definitely have cried then because  everything seemed so frickin complicated.  I just wanted to get my kid a blood test was that so wrong?  We couldn’t wait because I had a phone call for work.  Why not make an appointment for another time so I won’t run into this trouble again, you ask?  Great idea, except making appointments in the office is too damn old school for LabCorp.  I was politely handed a card and told to make my appointment online.  Really?  That was just stupid…but stupid enough to make me want to cry.  To add fuel to my tearful fire, now I was going to have to get home without losing the card and then remember to make the stupid frickin appointment which seemed like so much to have to do when all I wanted to do was climb back into bed.

Once I got home, I found CJ’s lunch packed perfectly and sitting nicely on the island.  Another reason to cry, since the school now knows just how bad of a mom I am.  I sent my poor kid to school without any lunch.  Poor hungry CJ.

Imported Photos 00063

Then I read my emails and learned that my old neighbor from Chicago had been hit by a car while biking.  He will be fine but has broken rib and from the sound of it a broken face.  I hate that I am not there to help my friends.  It kills me that we can’t offer any support during what is no doubt a tough time.  It was also a scary reminder of how fragile life is. Could have so cried at that point but didn’t because I only had a few minutes until that call for work; negotiating a health care contract through tears is just not effective, I’ve tried it.

Had my call, did some work, yada yada yada. (Just in case you don’t know I work from home)

Eventually I checked the stock market.  If you follow the stock market and you checked it today, you most definitely would have wanted to cry too.  That sucker plummeted for the second time in 3 days.  My dreams of quitting my job and becoming a stock market guru were crushed to oblivion providing even more fodder for my tears.

Then there was a bunch of 13 year old girl drama that made me want to cry because sometimes things that are just supposed to be simple, easy and fun, just aren’t.

As I was cooking dinner, I learned that a friend’s daughter has been in the hospital for 2 days due to an infection and somehow I didn’t know.  I was not there for my friend which made me sad and once again, tearful.  I hugged all my children amidst the second reminder of the day at what we should not take foregranted.   (The good news is my friend’s daughter should be coming home tomorrow.)

Then I sat down to write this post and I have absolutely nothing to say and that just makes me want to cry too.

I think I’ll go to bed now….and  cry myself to sleep.

PS. NaBloPoMoW8Lo Challenge update – the scale gods were not pretty this morning my friends.  No movement once again…..another reason I wanted to cry today.


4 thoughts on “I Just Want to Cry!

  1. Oh no! Don’t cry! Just remember, at Montessori you didn’t forget CJ’s lunch, CJ forgot CJ’s lunch. 🙂 Sorry about all the other stuff. Tomorrow’s another day…

  2. You know, crying is good for you. Releases prolactin, which is one of the reasons women live longer. Men are prolactin challenged so they croppy off early, while we are sobbing into our sleeves. Feeling like you want to cry is not fun. But given you are fighting off all sorts of microbial nasties, it’s not surprising. Your friends will be fine. And you will be, too. As Scarlett said “tomorrow is another day.”

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